Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
