so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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