Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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