why didn't you poke me back
Four minutes until I can fart!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
