We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
