No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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