That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my being single is dangerous.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
