I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
