How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
