By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
