you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
