apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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