I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He shit in the fireplace
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
