Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
