Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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