haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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