Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize