remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize