he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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