So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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