FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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