Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
