i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
