she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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