I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize