My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
