i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
