i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
