I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
