she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize