On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
