"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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