She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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