You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
