you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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