1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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