we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
