I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize