i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
