Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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