dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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