Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
BRING THE BAGELS
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
