he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
