After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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