remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my shit smells like andre
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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