Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think your dad took our porno
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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