thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
