when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
