He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
