Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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