the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
