I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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