ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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