So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
