woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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