My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
