I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
