Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
