My sheets look like a crime scene.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
