Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
