Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize