2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
