We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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