part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
