I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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