i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
