I'm lost and stupid without you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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