i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
