I love black thongs
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize