Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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