foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
