I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
