It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
