he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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