You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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