meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
