paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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