I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
