Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My feet surprised me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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