jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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