Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
