yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
