I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
