So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need to calm my uterus...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
