she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
