You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
