Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
