every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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