Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
