Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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