Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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