Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
