WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
