It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
