and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
