All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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