I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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