Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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