Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
